Inch Centimeter Virtual Headquarters 1st of June, 3025

Sitting around the virtual table was TheNegotiator, Neovali44, JonnyJonnyDude, stackem, Blacksail, SLKS, and a giant cup of coffee. Discussing, debating, and deciding. Their story is for another time. Right now, the idea they are brainstorming with all their concentration will bloom into a giant entity, one to entertain the CEOs of society. And to get a bulk supply of materials as well, apparently. The story we are focusing on today starts a couple months later, five months later to be exact. In a dark room, lit only by a LED and otherwise devoid of life, sat a man in a chair.

Umbra, Benten System - The universe’s multitude of stock markets are in shock this month, their demand crashing as marshmallows72 and the newly named “Capital Management” conglomerate rolls out a new automated system for companies, conglomerates, and entrepreneurs to create their own investment funds through the use of stocks.

PROMITOR, Hortus System - Local mining executive lowstrife maintains his trademark optimism despite his company’s workers’ compensation claims increasing by 847% over the past quarter, insisting that each horrific industrial accident teaches him “valuable lessons about the human spirit.”

HUBUR STATION - APEX Public Affairs – A galactic logistical crisis is unfolding on the fringes of known space, all because a government database, in a masterstroke of design laziness, can’t tell the difference between a forgotten space station and a planet-sized filing cabinet.

PHOBOS, ANTARES I SYSTEM — Local Antares Initiative pioneer Akio Matsuda has spent the last fourteen hours attempting to compose a message to his company’s CEO that doesn’t inadvertently read like a death threat, according to a desperate communication received by The Prosperous Turnip late yesterday.

The Benten Economic Union at one of its quarterly board meetings was discussing the logistics of rolling out affordable ship upgrades to fledgling CEOs. Benten Barons OptimizedFunction and CptColeslaw had already been restructuring their respective corporate empires to develop the necessary industrial capacities to accommodate such a project. The noticeable influx of new startups on Katoa has left the BEU board wondering how this development will impact demand for the ship upgrade kits in question.

ANTARES PRIME - FIO Systems, the boutique analytics firm responsible for keeping thousands of traders marginally less bankrupt than they would be otherwise, suffered a catastrophic 12-hour outage this week when their “military-grade” data center turned out to be about as resilient as a paper umbrella in a meteor shower.

CIBOLA STATION - In a groundbreaking announcement that has sent shockwaves through the scientific community and left shipping schedules actually functional for the first time in decades, the Universe Maintenance Department confirmed yesterday that they have successfully eliminated quantum uncertainty from all spaceflight calculations.

MONTEM, MORIA SYSTEM - VELLICHOR announced yesterday that their revolutionary EthiScan™ AI system has achieved a 97.3% success rate in identifying employees experiencing “dangerous ethical impulses” before they can interfere with quarterly profit targets, with the remaining 2.7% being “processed into useful materials.”

PROMITOR, HORTUS SYSTEM — In a passionate sermon delivered at the Break Room Basilica on Promitor yesterday, self-proclaimed “Job Creationist” Lyman Harper declared to a congregation of tired pioneer workers that there is only one true CEO who created all jobs throughout the colonies.